Friday, April 3, 2009

Where Is My Tribe?

I've recently had several life coaching and tarot clients who are asking the question, "Where is My Tribe?"

As they are discovering more about themselves and "waking up," it seems that the old structures are falling away. Situations that used to fit (jobs, relationships, belief systems, etc.), somehow don't fit anymore. As situations and beliefs change, the tribe seems to change as well.

I have experienced this myself. It probably started when I was going through divorce eight years ago. The belief of "...until death do you part," was starting to crumble. How could I, the daughter of parents who this year will celebrate their 50their anniversary, even think of ending my marriage? As I went through divorce, I didn't quite fit in with all of my "married with kids" friends anymore. I didn't belong to their tribe any longer...and I also didn't fit in with the "single no kids" people either. I was in between tribes.

Just two years ago, I quit a job where I was making the most money I had ever made, but also knew I was being called to something else...something more spiritual...something more "me." The day I announced that I was resigning, I immediately felt like I was out of the tribe. There seemed to be more closed-door meetings...and I was not included any more. I wasn't in the tribe and didn't belong...again, I was in between tribes.

And now, I am experiencing these transitions in my friendships. Some are falling by the wayside while others are getting stronger. As I discover more about myself and vibrate at a different energy, I am attracted to new and different people...and yet, some of my relationships have stayed the course, no matter what the changes.

Longing for my tribe...
I preface this next comment by telling you that I had a great upbringing in the Lutheran church -- being an active member in the youth group, a musical singing group and attending church and Sunday School most weeks. And even so...I have not found a church that resonates for me and my family. For some reason, this doesn't feel like my tribe.

And yet, the other day I was talking to a woman who attends one of the big churches in town -- the kind of church that entertains you right into its pews. Surprising even myself, I had a passing thought of wanting to join the church activities to feel the energy of a tribe. Even if it wasn't MY tribe, it was A tribe. There is something very appealing about being a part of a tribe, isn't there?

The other day I had the opportunity to be with some of my own tribal women during our Intuition Through Tarot study group. For those three hours, I found myself feeling wrapped in tribal energy. These women resonate with the intuitive side of me...curious, wondering and in awe of what lies "out there" and "in here." Yes...this is more like it. My tribe. People who resonate with me and my energy.

Where is your tribe? Who is in your tribe? How does it feel to be without your tribe? If you could describe what your ideal tribe would look like, be like or feel like, what would you say?

Yes...I think we are all in some stage of looking for our tribe. Let me know if you have found yours...maybe I'll want to join.


Lori Lavender Luz said...'re bringing together some things for me.

First, I realize how lucky I am to have been born into a pretty great Tribe.

I think you've touched on one reason why blogging is so important to me: I have found a Tribe. Not only that, but I contribute to my Tribe.

"Resonate" is the perfect word. When you find that resonance, you want to live in it.

Kagey said...

I think many people get caught up in "causes" or similar groups that last for awhile, have a common goal, and then disperse. I think Tribes go beyond that.
Some of what makes me feel a part of the Tribe is sharing a daily routine -- I'm in the Tribe of moms, specifically SAHMs, because they understand how my days go.
But there's also the idea that some people have read similar books, like similar music, laugh at the same jokes or have husbands who still quote the same movies years later. :D
And that's one of the powers of the web -- we can find more members of our Tribes more easily than when geography limited us.

Great Post!

suzicremecheeze said...

Great post Sheri. Thanks for sharing so much with us! I am so pleased to be a part of your Intuition Through Tarot study group. I am so happy to be part of our tribe. I have been looking for it for a long time. It feels so good to be able to just be me!!!

Bonnie said...

I just discovered you on Lori's blog. I can already tell I'm going to love your blog. Amazing how even in the tech world you can feel if somethings right or not.
I left my home town in KS about 18 yrs ago and moved here to Colo. I think I've been looking for the right tribe ever since. I have a wonderful hubby and 2 kids so right now I fit with the other moms out there. I feel like a change is coming though. I know there is more inside me I need to explore.. maybe it's time to start moving that direction.

Martha@A Sense of Humor is Essential said...

Hi, Sheri, thank you so much for the invite to your blog! This is certainly a thoughtful post that "resonates" with me.
My tribes are fluid and I'm learning that as a human, I share our tribe with all living creatures in this space and time.
The one that is most familiar and comforting to me is my husband and our sons. I also have a "tribe" with my dear blog friends like Lori who so kindly introduced me to you. Thank you again.

Sheri said...

Lori -- You really hit it on the head. Maybe the reason people are blogging is to reach outside of their geographic area and find their tribe. And, yes...I've read your blog and you do contribute to your tribe in such a beautiful way.

Kagey -- As I look back through my life, I can see how people have moved in and out of my tribe, depending on where I was in my life. So possibly our tribe is a reflection of ourselves. In fact, I'm sure it is. Like attracts least for now. Hmmmm....that's deep!

Suzi -- I am honored to be a part of your tribe as well. I'm glad our paths have crossed. And I like you just the way your are!

Bonnie -- it sounds like you are pretty intuitive. I encourage you to follow your hunches and tap into your intuitive voice. What is your new direction? Explore away...and have some fun along the way.

Martha -- your family tribe sounds a lot like mine...I have a husband and three sons. I'm just starting to build my blogging tribe and hope to connect with other people who are grateful for where they are, but curious enough to search for more. I hope you'll come back and be a part of this tribe.

Anonymous said...

Belonging to a tribe, hmm… interesting thought. But what happens when you want to belong to a tribe and the tribe doesn’t want you? Is it possible that some of us will never have a tribe? Or perhaps we just move through tribes without making much impact.
When we look for a tribe, are we looking for self-worth, some reason to exist? Do we have to have a tribe to be happy?
I for one have tried church, women’s groups, etc. and always end up the odd man out – sitting on the edge feeling uncomfortable and very self-conscience. Perhaps the stress of trying to find a tribe is worse than having no tribe at all.

Sheri said...

Anonymous -- You bring up some great points -- ones that many of us have pondered.

I think I have felt what you are talking about. When it's happened to me, I feel awkward, lonely and am questioning myself -- why don't I fit in? Why am I different?

I listened to a conference call today where the presenter gave some really interesting points. One of which was: Whatever you focus on grows and expands.

In listening to a Marianne Williamson CD series today, she said the exact same thing. The timing is too perfect to simply be a coincidence.

The presenter's point, in this example would be that if you focus on NOT being a part of the tribe, you will look for ways that you don't belong. She gave several examples that made a lot of sense.

So, what would happen if you focused on times when you did feel a part of a tribe -- even in the slightest way?

One other thing the presenter said was that your relationship with others is a function of the relationship you have with yourself. I'm still pondering that one. Does it make sense to you and the feelings you described in your comment?

Thank you for your comments. I love to explore and ponder.